LOOK, WORST BEERS IN THE WORLD, EVER!
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Cat Piss: Pale Ale 4.8% ABV
We rescue stray cats from all over England. We feed them on the finest hops and barley, a bit of yeast, and plenty of water, and we harvest the result, using a sophisticated system of irrigation. The result is a refreshing, powerfully hopped, pale ale. No cats were harmed in the production of this beer.
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Old Fart: Best Bitter 4.8% ABV
Let’s face it, we all have an Old Fart in the family, and he usually likes a good old glass of bitter. With this in mind, our Old Fart is a robust, perfectly balanced, copper coloured best bitter, brewed to give a good dry hop taste, with a little malt sweetness. Caution! Too many of these, and your old fart will be farting like a trooper.
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Dog Piss: Smooth Stout 4.5% ABV
We select chocolate labradors with the highest pedigree. We feed them on the finest hops and barley, a bit of yeast, and plenty of water, and we collect the result via a sophisticated irrigation method. The result is a very smooth, rich, full-flavoured English stout. No dogs were harmed in the
production of this beer.
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Bullshit: Golden Bitter 4.1% ABV
For all of those who are prone to a bit of bullshitting every now and then, we offer this traditional pale, copper coloured bitter. This particular edition is our very own tribute to one of the biggest bullshitters of all, our dear old Prime Minister.
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Dandelion & Birdshit: Dark Mild 3.7%
Our ships sale the oceans to collect birdshit produced by Peruvian seabirds. We add this to the dandelions we steal from farmers’ fields around Derbyshire. (we don’t think they mind). The result is a beautiful, mellow, malty mild, named in honour of your favourite childhood pop.
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Big Cock: Golden Beer 4.2% ABV
This beautiful, pale, golden beer is produced using very floral hops, lending it almost a hint of sherbert. It’s brewed in honour of all those who like to exaggerate their credentials. Don’t get too excitable, it’s just a chicken! |
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Gobshite: Porter 4.8% ABV
This deliciously dark and rich old fashioned Porter, with a hint of chocolate and liquorice, is dedicated to all you Gobshites out there, who are unable to open your big gobs without a load of crap spewing forth. Come on you Gobshite, give it a rest, and the rest of us a break. |
Horse Shit: Light Bitter 4.2% ABV
We sit patiently behind our net curtains, criticising our neighbours, and when the greengrocer rolls by on his cart, we dash outside to shovel up the shit deposited by his old nag. Then we throw it, still steaming, into this light, copper coloured bitter, characterised by refreshingly bitter hops, balanced by a note of malt sweetness. Now that really is Horse Shit! |
Owd Codger: Dark Bitter 4.8% ABV
We're obliged to point out, since we are responsible beer vendors, that if you drink to excess, you may prematurely turn into an owd codger, just like I did. It's true you know. ZZZZZZZZZZZ. Did somebody speak? |
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Shitfaced: Golden Ale 5.0% ABV
In this age of austerity and crippling budget cuts, we think everyone should do their bit to help by just once in a while getting Shitfaced, which is a good strong, full flavoured pale, golden ale, which delivers a good dose of fruity hops. Get Shitfaced. For every bottle purchased, we will donate a big chunk of our hard earned profit to the Exchequer.
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Arse Liquor: Pale Ale 4.1% ABV
This beer is our gift to the much maligned Arse Licker, behind whose brown nose is a beautiful person who is just trying to get on in life. It's a distinctly well-hopped pale ale, very refreshing, with a delicate hint of citrus fruit. Enjoy it, you Arse Licker. |
Dog Breath: Strawberry Beer 3.8% ABV
For those of you whose breath smells like the dog's dinner after he's digested it, this is a cheeky, pale golden ale to which a drop of strawberry cordial has been added, to produce a refreshingly well-hopped beer with a delicate, fruity, strawberry aftertaste. Guaranteed to give your breath the delicate scent of Summer strawberries, not!
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NB: CHRISTMAS BEERS ARE ONLY AVAILABLE OCTOBER TO DECEMBER
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Santa's Surprise: Raspberry Beer 3.8% ABV
You are receiving this spicy Winter Warmer for Christmas, because you have been naughty this year. Being naughty can be a very bad thing, or it can be a very good thing; it depends who is giving you the beer. This beer has been enhanced with a secret combination of spices for a bit of a festive surprise.
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Knobgoblin: Dark Ale 5.4%
This is a luscious, warming, dark ruby ale. It's been brewed for all of you people out there who have been good all year, only to be given socks or pants for Christmas, when all you want is a really good Knobgoblin.
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Yellow Snow: Lager Beer 5.0% ABV
This pale, well-hopped, lager style beer, is brewed using the piss of actual, live snowmen, living near the North Pole, where santa lives, and where snowmen are actually alive.....honest, it's true.
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Santa's Chopper: IPA 4.2% ABV
For those of you for whom Christmas cannot be over soon enough, we offer you Suicide, a refreshingly hopped pale beer, with the addition of a subtle dose of calming honey. calm down, it'll soon be over! |
Miserable Scrooge: Dark Bitter 4.8%
For all you Scrooges out there, we would like to wish you a Crappy Christmas, a rich, dark ale, with plenty of malt, and a good bitter finish.
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Rosy Cheeks: Peach Beer 3.8% ABV
For those of you who, shall we say, like it a bit different, this is a pale, golden English beer, to which a drop of peach has been added. Okay, whoever spanked her may have gone a bit too far, but we didn't, so the peach flavour is lovely and subtle. |
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Our Beers
