LOOK, WORST BEERS IN THE WORLD, EVER!
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Cat's Pee: Pale Ale 4.8% ABV
We rescue stray cats from all over England. We feed them on the finest hops and barley, a bit of yeast, and plenty of water, and we harvest the result, using a sophisticated system of irrigation. The result is a refreshing, powerfully hopped, pale ale. No cats were harmed in the production of this beer.
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Old Fart: Best Bitter 4.8% ABV
Let’s face it, we all have an Old Fart in the family, and he usually likes a good old glass of bitter. With this in mind, our Old Fart is a robust, perfectly balanced, copper coloured best bitter, brewed to give a good dry hop taste, with a little malt sweetness. Caution! Too many of these, and your old fart will be farting like a trooper.
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Dog's Pee: Smooth Stout 4.5% ABV
We select chocolate labradors with the highest pedigree. We feed them on the finest hops and barley, a bit of yeast, and plenty of water, and we collect the result via a sophisticated irrigation method. The result is a very smooth, rich, full-flavoured English stout. No dogs were harmed in the
production of this beer.
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Bullshit: Golden Bitter 4.1% ABV
For all of those who are prone to a bit of bullshitting every now and then, we offer this traditional pale, copper coloured bitter. This particular edition is our very own tribute to one of the biggest bullshitters of all, our dear old Prime Minister.
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Dandelion & Birdshit: Dark Mild 3.7%
Our ships sale the oceans to collect birdshit produced by Peruvian seabirds. We add this to the dandelions we steal from farmers’ fields around Derbyshire. (we don’t think they mind). The result is a beautiful, mellow, malty mild, named in honour of your favourite childhood pop.
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Big Cock: Golden Beer 4.2% ABV
This beautiful, pale, golden beer is produced using very floral hops, lending it almost a hint of sherbert. It’s brewed in honour of all those who like to exaggerate their credentials. Don’t get too excitable, it’s just a chicken! |
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Grumpy Git: Amber Ale 4.8% ABV
We all know the Grumpy Git: he’s only happy when he’s moaning. It’s too hot or it’s too cold; the music’s too loud or he can’t hear it. He’s grumpy at work, he’s grumpy at home, he’s grumpy at the shops, he’s grumpy watching tele.....Let's face it, he's just plain grumpy, and that's why we love him so much..
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Arse Liquor: IPA 4.0% ABV
This beer has been specially brewed for that loved one in every family, every workplace, and every circle of friends, who can every once in a while behave like a complete and utter arse, in spite of which, we still love you....You arse. |
Lazy Sod: Golden Beer 4.0% ABV
We thought we might like to have a nice light session beer in our range, and sat down with a selection of our bottles, to decide how it should be done. We umm'ed and ahh'ed and pontificated a while, discussed other, unrelated matters, and generally put the world to rights, while liberally sampling our beers. Eventually, we yawned, stretched our weary limbs, went home, and let someone else brew it instead. |
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Puke: Golden Beer 5.0% ABV
Oooooooh, my head. You don't want to know, seriously you don't want to know. Don't even ask.........Can someone please turn down that noise? Ooooh, never again.......draw the curtains please......birgh, birgh, blrrraaaaaaghghghg...........That's better.
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Rat Piss: Apple Flavoured Beer 4.2% ABV
There's no escaping it, where there's apples, there's vermin. After spending fortunes to no avail, on poisons and traps, we decided to make the best of a bad job, by allowing our rats to feast on the apples and empty their little bladders straight into our beer, giving it a subtle hint of apple. |
Great Tits: Pear Flavoured Beer 4.2% ABV
When people ask why we don't give 'normal' names to our beers, I ask whether it is 'normal' to name a drink after a steam train or a species of bird, and usually I am told that this would be preferable to a beer named Piss, Shit, Fart or Cock. So, to satisfy the PC Brigade, here is a pair of Great Tits. Aren't they gorgeous?.
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OUR CHRISTMAS 2012 BEERS ARE NOW ALL SOLD, BUT WE PLAN TO HAVE OUR CHRISTMAS 2013 RANGE FINALISED EARLIER THAN EVER THIS YEAR, SO DON'T BE SURPRISED IF YOU ARE BUYING YOUR CHRISTMAS BEERS IN AUGUST!
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Very Deer Piss: IPA 5.0% ABV
While Cat Piss, Rat Piss, and Dog Piss are available all year round, Santa decided he should deliver something a little bit different. With the helpof Rudolph and friends, Deer Piss was the obvious answer, but at these prices, we thought we should name it Very Deer Piss. Santa, you are a robdog.
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Yule Log: Dark Ale 5.4%
You've opened the presents and struggled to hide your disappointment, you've stuffed yourself with bone dry turkey, and over indulged on Christmas Pudding even though you don't like it. So now, why not relax, sit down, and enjoy a nice satisfying Yuletide Log. Aaaaah, that's better......cheese and crackers anyone?
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Yellow Snow: Lager Beer 5.0% ABV
This pale, well-hopped, Bavarian style lager beer, is brewed using the piss of actual, live snowmen, living near the North Pole, where santa lives, where ice cream grows on shrubs, and where the snow is laced with icing sugar...............it's true you know; ask Santa. Oh go on then, blame the dog! |
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Shitfaced: Premium Bitter 5.0% ABV
It's been another tough year for the economy, and we think everyone should do their bit to help this Christmas by getting Shitfaced, which is a good, strong, full-flavoured, pale golden bitter, which delivers a good dose of fruity hops. For every bottle purchased, we will donate a big chunk of our hard earned profit to the Exchequer. |
Miserable Scrooge: Dark Bitter 4.8%
For all you Scrooges out there, we would like to wish you a Crappy Christmas, a rich, dark ale, with plenty of malt, and a good bitter finish. It's all you deserve, you tight fisted so and so!
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Santa's Coming: Light Ale 4.1% ABV
Santa's Sack is bulging, and he's coming in your direction very soon. But don't get too excited, Santa only comes once a year, so you might find that once he does come, the excitement is over all a bit too quickly. |
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Our Beers
